Just two days until Mother's Day. I was at Target the other day and noticed all these people standing by a pink section of cards. Took me a minute to realize it was the section for the cards for Mother's Day. There was a tug on my heart when it dawns on me that once again, I do not need to go to that section as the time for me buying cards for my mom had been done for awhile. I miss that. I miss her. Mind you, my mom and I did not have the closest of relationships. We really never talked about anything important when I was growing up and even when I was an adult. I could count on my fingers the times she said I love you for the most part of my life. That changed when I was diagnosed with cancer...then I heard it. It meant the world to me. I made sure I told her too. And I make sure I tell my kids. But then, I always always have. I knew it was important for them to hear it. I knew what it felt not too. I KNEW she loved me, in the only way she knew how...but even now, I wish there had been more. For those of you with close relationships with your mom, I hope you know how lucky you are! Hug your mom for me. Just because! I think of mine every day...I AM grateful for the mother I had. I love her with all my heart. And I miss her terribly. We talk about her often around here. I don't want to forget. I don't want my kids to.
I will celebrate the day because, of course I AM a mother....something I always wanted to be. I was blessed with four wonderful incredible kids. All of them are unique. All of them have their own talents. Each have such a different personality. I would like to think, of everything I have done in my life, this is the one thing I am most proud of. Being a mom. Of course, like most, I think back and wish there were things I did differently, things I did better. I can only hope I raised them okay. Better than okay. I hope that they will have wonderful lives. That they will be happy. That they will find their joy. Always...
And I hope they know how much I love them. How proud I am of them. Always.
May you all have a wonderful mother's day filled with love and good things!
And that is what is on my mind, right now.
Showing posts with label family.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family.. Show all posts
Friday, May 11, 2012
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Changes
A lot is on my mind these days. So many changes happening all the time. But that IS life, isn't it? It seems when we are little, it takes forever to grow up. Sometimes I wonder why the hurry? Sometimes I think if we knew what it was really like to be 'grown up' we wouldn't be in such a hurry! Even though at times, it seems like time drags, it really truly flies. Sometimes I want to scream at it to slow down! Too many changes happening all too fast!
First, I remember before I was married, I wondered IF I ever would be, wondering if I would have the 4 kids I wanted. And I got that. The married. The four kids. But who ever knew they would grow up so fast? It seems each one grew up faster than the last one. It is so hard to wrap my mind around the idea that my YOUNGEST one is almost a junior in college and not one of them is even a teenager any more. It is hard to wrap my mind around the fact that they are grown and moving on, with their own lives. Prouder of them, I couldn't be, but when we have those babies, does it cross our minds that in an instant, they will be grown and gone? I doubt it.
In the course of growing up, there are many losses. So so many people have passed on. I sit sometimes and think about the family things of so long ago. As a child you think those people will be around forever. But again, time passes much too fast, and they are gone. We can try to keep them close in memories and photographs, but sometimes I just want to hug them, to have a conversation, to hear their voice, see their smile....
The other day I was looking in the mirror. I mean REALLY looking in the mirror. I could not figure out who was looking back at me. Where did that face come from? I still feel the same on the inside. So when I look in the mirror at that face that is no longer young, it is hard to believe it is the me I feel when looking out. I see pictures and wonder just how did all the time pass so fast? Again, who IS that person? I know I should age gracefully, but I don't want to! Maybe it is because it is a reminder of time flying and things changing both much much too fast!
And that, my friends, is what is on my mind right now!
First, I remember before I was married, I wondered IF I ever would be, wondering if I would have the 4 kids I wanted. And I got that. The married. The four kids. But who ever knew they would grow up so fast? It seems each one grew up faster than the last one. It is so hard to wrap my mind around the idea that my YOUNGEST one is almost a junior in college and not one of them is even a teenager any more. It is hard to wrap my mind around the fact that they are grown and moving on, with their own lives. Prouder of them, I couldn't be, but when we have those babies, does it cross our minds that in an instant, they will be grown and gone? I doubt it.
In the course of growing up, there are many losses. So so many people have passed on. I sit sometimes and think about the family things of so long ago. As a child you think those people will be around forever. But again, time passes much too fast, and they are gone. We can try to keep them close in memories and photographs, but sometimes I just want to hug them, to have a conversation, to hear their voice, see their smile....
The other day I was looking in the mirror. I mean REALLY looking in the mirror. I could not figure out who was looking back at me. Where did that face come from? I still feel the same on the inside. So when I look in the mirror at that face that is no longer young, it is hard to believe it is the me I feel when looking out. I see pictures and wonder just how did all the time pass so fast? Again, who IS that person? I know I should age gracefully, but I don't want to! Maybe it is because it is a reminder of time flying and things changing both much much too fast!
And that, my friends, is what is on my mind right now!
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