Evening

Not the time of day. A movie, actually.  As sometimes happens, when I am surfing channels early in the morning, I stop at a movie that I have never heard of, but nonetheless looks interesting for whatever reason.  This morning it was a movie from 2007 called Evening.

A description from IMDb
"A drama exploring the romantic past and emotional present of Ann Grant and her daughters, Constance and Nina. As Ann lays dying, she remembers, and is moved to convey to her daughters, the defining moments in her life 50 years prior, when she was a young woman. Harris is the man Ann loves in the 1950s and never forgets."


This movie stars Vanessa Redgrave as Ann, Claire Danes as young Ann. Glenn Close and Meryl Streep in small parts. The late Natasha Richardson plays one of Ann's grown daughters as does Toni Colette.

The movie was difficult to watch as the older Ann lays dying. It brought back so many feelings. But what got to me was this woman as she is dying is remembering/reliving her life in the 1950's.  When she was young, vibrant, finding love.  As she is dying she is remembering her one true love in her life.  Hers happened to 'get away' from her.

It got me to thinking.  I wonder as my mom lay dying, was she back in happier days?  Was she remembering/reliving them?  I wondered just when that would be.  And who was HER love of her life?  Was it my dad?  Or someone else?  What was life like for her back then?  Did she have something she was passionate about? Something she would have done or chose rather than being married and raising children?  Was there someone/something she missed out on?

Mostly, though, I was thinking, I hope she WAS remembering the good stuff, the happy days....I hope she was visiting that place, with the love of her life!

The movie ends as the nurse tells the daughters they need to come now. (I remember so well.)  But then it cuts to that place she was remembering, so beautiful.  The sun sets. The movie ends.....

and I sob.

And that, my friends, is what is on my mind right now!

Mother's Day

Just two days until Mother's Day.  I was at Target the other day and noticed all these people standing by a pink section of cards.  Took me a minute to realize it was the section for the cards for Mother's Day.  There was a tug on my heart when it dawns on me that once again, I do not need to go to that section as the time for me buying cards for my mom had been done for awhile.  I miss that.  I miss her.  Mind you, my mom and I did not have the closest of relationships. We really never talked about anything important when I was growing up and even when I was an adult.  I could count on my fingers the times she said I love you for the most part of my life.  That changed when I was diagnosed with cancer...then I heard it.  It meant the world to me.  I made sure I told her too. And I make sure I tell my kids.  But then, I always always have.  I knew it was important for them to hear it. I knew what it felt not too.  I KNEW she loved me, in the only way she knew how...but even now, I wish there had been more.  For those of you with close relationships with your mom, I hope you know how lucky you are!  Hug your mom for me. Just because!  I think of mine every day...I AM grateful for the mother I had.  I love her with all my heart.  And I miss her terribly.  We talk about her often around here.  I don't want to forget. I don't want my kids to.

I will celebrate the day because, of course I AM a mother....something I always wanted to be. I was blessed with four wonderful incredible kids.  All of them are unique. All of them have their own talents. Each have such a different personality.  I would like to think, of everything I have done in my life, this is the one thing I am most proud of. Being a mom.  Of course, like most, I think back and wish there were things I did differently, things I did better.  I can only hope I raised them okay. Better than okay. I hope that they will have wonderful lives. That they will be happy. That they will find their joy. Always...

And I hope they know how much I love them.  How proud I am of them.  Always.

May you all have a wonderful mother's day filled with love and good things!

And that is what is on my mind, right now.