Hate, forgiveness, moving on.....

I am not quite sure if I will be able to convey all that is in my mind right now. But I am going to try.  It may ramble, as I often do, as thoughts come to my mind, so hang in there!

Since Clay was not named the newest Celebrity Apprentice Sunday night, even though he was the clear winner to most everyone, I have seen many many things being said on the internet in various places.  As someone who was there, I know we stood there stunned.  There was a lot of anger and hurt, that obviously this was not a fair contest after all.  Were we all duped once again?  Was Arsenio in on it?  WHO is to blame?  Does it matter now?  It doesn't change things.  I have learned a long time ago, that when things happen that don't seem to be right or fair, I need to work it out, put it in the past, learn my lesson and move on!  I realize it is very hard for some to do that.  We all have our own journeys and I do not judge.

There is so much hate and name calling at the moment that it is making me uncomfortable.  It is out there for people to read. Even the ones that it is about.  I try to remember that there IS a person on the other end of it, even when it seems that person has no feelings or has done something that might be wrong in our eyes.  I don't believe in punishing them or myself because of them.  Some don't want to go to the Gala for the National Inclusion Project just because Arsenio will be there!  I would hope they could remember the purpose of the gala in the first place.  Raising funds so all children belong. So all children can play. Inclusion.  As a parent of a child with a disability, well young man now, I have lived through a lot of discrimination against him, have seen him treated badly in many ways.  And it hurts.  I have also seen first hand what inclusion can do. Not only for him but for others.  Kids and adults have truly been forever changed.  You can tell people until you are blue in the face, but sometimes it isn't enough. You have to show them.  I remember a long time ago, I belonged to a stay at home mom email group.  Little did I know that one of them that was so AGAINST inclusion sent the rest of them a scathing email about it.  She even went so far to say that it was "Obvious, I did not win the genetic lottery"  That cut deep into my soul....its been a lot of years....but I will never ever forget it. So to me, it IS about the cause.  The bonus of Clay singing?  Awesome of course.  And I realize that is why some people go and not the cause...but it all reality it IS his gala for HIS charity raising money for ALL to belong.  It is their decision who they present to, and now, who performs.  I for one cannot wait to be there!

I have learned to practice forgiveness.  We have talked about it before. Forgiveness is for me.  It is so I can live with myself.  I find it easier to get through each day when I have a forgiving loving heart.  I try to be positive in all I do and encounter.  I have learned that life is too short and if I don't live by those guidelines, I may be robbing myself of that joy I need to find each day, of a smile, a laugh.  I don't like to be sad or angry. I don't like how it feels.

And I don't like the word hate. It is such a bad feeling word that I try never to say it about people.  I could have growing up say I hate my stepfather.. Easily. But it made me uncomfortable then and it does now.  Have I never said it? Probably in anger sure...... but it is such a strong strong word I really try not to.  I prefer LOVE. Like even.  It just makes me feel better in my skin.

I have no idea if this is even close to what I wanted to say, but it is what came through my fingers to the page!

So I try never to say hate, I have to practice forgiveness a lot. But for me, no one else.  And then I try to move on.  That is just what works for me.

Tomorrow I will be sitting in on a Let's All Play training. I know I will be revitalized again. I will be reminded of why the Gala is very important, why the mission of the National Inclusion Project is vital and I cant wait to come home and share all about it!

Hope you can find the joy today...if even a little. For a bit.

And that my friends is what is on my mind right now!

It ISN'T Just About a Singer....

I was going to wait until tomorrow to post a new blog.  Its' been a busy and emotional weekend, ending in a long day of traveling home, so I was going to rest.  But on Facebook, my cousin, who, I DO love, once again made fun, bashed my Clay 'love' so to speak.  He has done it in the past and while I never have appreciated it, tonight it made me mad and made me think, and got me to post tonight.

Anyone that knows me knows that I am a big fan of Clay Aiken.  But many do not know the whole story, do not understand the whole story.  Many of you, my friends who are also fans, DO understand...

For those of you who don't, I am going to try to tell you, although much of it is hard to put into words.

As you know, ten years ago this month, I was diagnosed with cancer and went through a tough year.  About that time, American Idol 2 was on and we were hooked from the moment we watched Clay during the audition shows.  We watched every week together....voting and wanting him to win!  There was just something about his voice and personality that got under your skin.

I got through treatment, yes he came in second, and I had NO idea how much this man and being a fan of him would change my life.

I decided that I would no longer just sit around and watch my life pass me by.  What is the purpose in that?  I knew that life could be short, saw it many times, was faced with it myself.  My new mantra was find your joy...it STILL is....for without it, what is the point???

Somehow I found the message boards....imagine boards of people who got it!  Who were Clay Aiken fans....of the voice...and soon, of the man.

Kayla and I got to share many many things that I would never had even imagined.  We traveled from coast to coast, seeing places I would never have dreamed to see.  And I still am.  I just returned from another trip to New York City to attend the Celebrity Apprentice finale.  ME?!  Yeah. I did that...  What a blessed life I am leading. I am thankful each and every day.  But it is far far more than just going 'places'.

It is about the charity Clay started. It began as the Bubel/Aiken Foundation.  Imagine a charity about the one thing I had fought for each and every year for Jamie.   INCLUSION.  Making sure ALL kids belonged.... This charity has evolved into the National Inclusion Project.  It continues to grow and continues to make a difference not only in the lives of the kids with disabilities, but in the lives of the kids without and in the lives of the parents.  This charity has my heart. I have supported it from the beginning and always will.  ALL children matter. Clay gets that...and he is making sure that everyone else does too.

Do yourself a favor, check it out yourself!
http://inclusionproject.org/

But you know what? It is not just about the incredible voice.  It is not just about the heart. It is not just about the Project.  It is about people.  It is about the friends I have made.  People from all over the country, the world even.  Other people who get it.  These people...we hug, we laugh, we cry.  We don't just love Clay Aiken.  We love each other. I cannot imagine my life without them!

Respect. Simple word. One that I wish many would think about......So, my dear cousin, and anyone else, maybe you should think twice next time before you bash, or make fun, or say anything negative.  Try to imagine there might be a reason...or many reasons, that I am a fan of Clay Aiken.

I just hope that others can find something or someone that brings as much joy to their lives as Clay has to mine!

That, my friends, is what is on my mind tonight!

Sometimes it isn't just about raising the most money.

I have many causes I care about, but life tends to happen and you navigate towards those that have affected you the most personally. For me, being a parent of a son with a disability, inclusion and disability causes are very important. I have also lost many to cancer so that is one also and being a breast cancer survivor that is one I tend to focus on, especially in October. Sometimes it seems we lose focus when fighting for our causes. Sometimes it can't be JUST about the amount of money raised. Obviously that is extremely important. Without the money we wouldn't have the research or the programs we are fighting for.

But here is my question to you. Do you ever step back and think about the REASONS for the things we are doing to raise money? Do you think how this will affect the kids with the disabilities, how it will impact them. Do you think about the survivors. Sometimes being able to participate in these events and being a part of it is just as important as raising the money. For me, it revitalizes me. A lot.

For the second time, I have two events on the same day for my two causes. I don't like having to pick between them. One I had to make a commitment to in travel costs and tickets long before the other. Now this year, I thought we would have a separate event for Breast Cancer Awareness but now it seems as if it will be the same day as the one I will be missing. It makes me sad. I shed a few tears this morning. I want so much to be a part of it. I understand that raising the a lot of money it essential. I truly do.

But sometimes...

It isn't just about raising the most money.

And that, my friends is what is on my mind this morning.