It has been rough around here lately. And its time for forgiveness. Again. For me. If I cannot forgive the hurt that I feel/have felt, then I don't see things getting any better. I will tell you as we get older, you would think words and actions of others wouldn't hurt so much. I wish the 'wisdom' we have acquired through the years would help with that. But I am here to tell you it is not the case. Words hurt.
Sometimes a lot.
So a little time has passed and I have to let it go and forgive. This has caused me much sadness and tears. Much heartache. It has affected my relationship with another. If I were to wait for apologies I think the forgiveness would never happen. Is that my lesson this time? Maybe so. I just know this one has been tough. It isn't even just the words not taken back, but other things since. I have to try to forgive. Notice I didn't say forget...because I am not quite sure yet how to do that. Oh, I would like to. Who wants to have someone say such things to you? I know not of anyone. So today, I have to forgive. And that feeling of the load lightening, so to speak, that I felt the last time? I am feeling that again. Maybe to a lessor degree, but it is nice not to be so sad. There is an affirmation I need to be saying every day again. Funny how it helps.
Healthy am I. Happy am I. Holy am I.
I hope I can be forgiven too. For in all this, I know I hurt someone I love by the things I said when hurt and angry. Words spoken in anger often are hurtful. Exaggerations, I think, of what we feel. Maybe with the intention to hurt another so they can feel the hurt we do. Wherever those words come from, it is a better idea to not say them. Walk away when angry. Walk away when hurt. Maybe the conversation can be had later. Preferably after the forgiveness.
So there it is.
Sometimes I think it is a daily thing to be practiced.
And that, my friends, is what is on my mind right now.