Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Forgiveness. Again.

I was thinking about this again.  I read my old post on it.  Seems that was about forgiving those already gone.  Now I want to talk about forgiving those still here and in our lives.

It has been rough around here lately.  And its time for forgiveness.  Again. For me.  If I cannot forgive the hurt that I feel/have felt, then I don't see things getting any better.  I will tell you as we get older, you would think words and actions of others wouldn't hurt so much.  I wish the 'wisdom' we have acquired through the years would help with that. But I am here to tell you it is not the case. Words hurt.     
Sometimes a lot. 
So a little time has passed and I have to let it go and forgive.  This has caused me much sadness and tears. Much heartache. It has affected my relationship with another.  If I were to wait for apologies I think the forgiveness would never happen.  Is that my lesson this time?  Maybe so.  I just know this one has been tough. It isn't even just the words not taken back, but other things since.  I have to try to forgive.  Notice I didn't say forget...because I am not quite sure yet how to do that.  Oh, I would like to. Who wants to have someone say such things to you? I know not of anyone. So today, I have to forgive.  And that feeling of the load lightening, so to speak, that I felt the last time?  I am feeling that again.  Maybe to a lessor degree, but it is nice not to be so sad. There is an affirmation I need to be saying every day again. Funny how it helps.

Healthy am I. Happy am I. Holy am I.

Simple, no?

I hope I can be forgiven too.  For in all this, I know I hurt someone I love by the things I said when hurt and angry.  Words spoken in anger often are hurtful.  Exaggerations, I think, of what we feel. Maybe with the intention to hurt another so they can feel the hurt we do.  Wherever those words come from, it is a better idea to not say them. Walk away when angry. Walk away when hurt.  Maybe the conversation can be had later.  Preferably after the forgiveness.  

So there it is. 


Sometimes I think it is a daily thing to be practiced.  

And that, my friends, is what is on my mind right now.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Let's Talk About Life

So I will... Ready for random rambling thoughts? Here they come!

I have been thinking of starting this up again. I had good intentions so long ago of keeping up with it, but you know how it is...you get busy and/or lazy. Probably a little of both. Today my brother blogged, so I came to read his and while there, decided to read my old ones, which made me even more motivated to write. So lucky you, here I am.

Respect: why is there so much lack of it for others these days? No respect for strangers, no respect for those different than us. Younger people have no respect for their elders. By no means do I mean ALL people, because I have seen cases of respect. Unfortunately, I have seen many cases of none. I was at the receiving end of it too. To this day, the words hurt. A lot. I try to not let them. But they do. To me it came out of nowhere, I still don't know why. And it hurts. I just don't understand why it is so hard for people to respect each other.

Btw, If you were wondering after that last blog, how Jamie has been, he has not had another seizure. That we know of. So he has not had a grand mal seizure, although there have been times it sounded like he went down, so we run in to his room, to thankfully find he is okay. I have wondered throughout this year if he might have had smaller ones. He would be confused as to the day, which for him is unusual. Just some little things. He is still on anti-seizure meds and probably will be forever. I hope they continue to work. No parent should have to watch their child go through that.

Children...what can I say? I love all of mine. A lot. You know, you have kids, thinking life is so great. But wow, the reality can be so different. Don't get me wrong, I love having kids, even adult kids. Who knew at times that could be so much harder? I am faced right now with letting one of them make what I feel is a mistake. Its been rough around here lately to put it mildly. You try to impart your wisdom, hoping they will see the mistake they are making. But in the end there is nothing you can do, but let them walk away, and do what they are so set to do and hope and pray it works out. It is harder when it is unexpected and so out of character. I have shed many tears. Sometimes as humans we don't always realize how our actions can affect so many people. Part of growing up, I think is realizing that. Sometimes the decisions we make are not the 'funnest' ones so to speak, but have to be the smartest ones. Those are the hardest to do. When we are young, we don't always get that, and we surely don't listen to our parents, who just might have some knowledge on the subject! And how hard is it for us, as parents, to stand helplessly by and let your kids learn it on their own.

So...there is that thing I hate a lot. Cancer. One of my friends has been undergoing treatment. It has been ROUGH on her. She is one of the strongest persons I know. But cancer sucks a lot. It takes a lot. You pretty much hand over your whole life to it. I had the privilege recently to help plan a benefit for her. Now there was the opportunity to see the BEST of people, for the most part!! I know that her and her husband were overwhelmed by the generosity of so many. Many that gave, or donated, or showed up to this, had never even met her!! I know she has a long road to go, but I hope that this not only helps them on this road to worry a bit less, but it gives her the strength to get done with it and put it all behind her!.

SO my friends, that is what is on my mind right now. Family, respect, stupid cancer and how it affects people. Life.