Monday, November 5, 2012

More Random Thoughts on Life!

Time for one of those mind dump blogs.  No particular subject, no particular theme.

So its already November....another year flying by.  They go faster and faster.  Sometimes its scary.  I sit and wonder sometimes how we all got to this time so fast....wasn't it just yesterday I was waiting to graduate from high school?  Wasn't it just yesterday that I met Tom, got married, started having babies. Wasn't it just yesterday they started to walk, talk?  Then THEY were graduating high school?  I remember my mom, aunts, uncles, their friends, being my age.  And now, many of them are gone.  It is sometimes scary.

Some days, the days seem to crawl, while at the same time, the months and years fly by.  I sometimes wish I had done more, was doing more.  I wonder if I could, would I change anything about what has happened so far?

I worry as always, about many things.  I always have.  I worry the most each day about Jamie.  If you remember, he is now on anti-seizure medication since having his second grand mal seizure in February of 2011.  I will remember every single minute of both of them. Every single one.  We listen always for the sound of him hitting the floor, running if we hear anything like it coming from his room, heart beating, afraid to look, relieved that he is fine and it was something else. Always hoping and praying, it never happens again, but worrying it will, knowing it can.  The other night, he came out of his room at about 6 like he often does, when he asks for water.  But this time, immediately, I knew something was wrong.  When he TRIED to say water, it was jumbled, I asked him what he meant. He could not form ONE SINGLE word!  Not one.  Oh my God, there was that feeling again. What was wrong?  I knew it was probably a smaller seizure, but worried it was a stroke.  What if he was never able to communicate what he needed again?  What if he didn't get better?  Daniel heard right away and was out of his room immediately!  He asked Jamie who he was....he could not say.  He asked him what they were going to get for supper Friday night, as it is always the same, and he could not answer. We took him to the ER.  They took blood...well after trying forever.  Poor kid.  No infection.  We are waiting for a med level and will be back to his week!  They said he had a petite mal seizure.  Sigh. Damn.
DAMN!  I want him to be okay always.  He has so much to deal with anyhow, I just don't want him to have this too.  So I worry some more.  I worry with his size and our history, if he will awaken each morning. Every single day.  It is hard.  Some days I want to cry. Sometimes. I still do.  I know he is happy and that is important.  But still, I worry.....  and pray.

So last month was breast cancer awareness month.  NOT a money grab month like some think.  I know the research is being done.  I pray for a cure.  When I was diagnosed, my surgeon knew what it meant, as his wife, who was 2 years younger than me, was a 3 year survivor at the time.  A couple years later when I was a co-chair at the Relay, she had been diagnosed again and was undergoing treatment.  Having kids in the same grades and activities, we saw them often.  Last week I read her obituary in the paper.  She was only 52.  13 years of fighting it.  My heart broke.  There are a few deaths you read about, hear about, that have the ability to knock you off your feet. This was one for me. My heart aches for her family.  It just is not fair.  I often think...  there by the Grace of God, go I!

So the election is tomorrow.  No matter who you are backing, please exercise your right to vote.  I will not use this blog to talk politics.  Besides, if you have me on Facebook, you already know how I feel.  I voted early for the first time!  My kids are voting! Husband is voting!  I am proud they are all concerned enough about this country, this life that they vote!!

So much more thoughts rambling around in my mind, but I think I will save them for another day.  Lucky you!

I will just leave you with my usual positive message.  Life is too short!  PLEASE treat people right, tell the ones you love that you do, be kind. Find the joy.

That, my friends, is what is on my mind right now!

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