Friday, May 11, 2012

Mother's Day

Just two days until Mother's Day.  I was at Target the other day and noticed all these people standing by a pink section of cards.  Took me a minute to realize it was the section for the cards for Mother's Day.  There was a tug on my heart when it dawns on me that once again, I do not need to go to that section as the time for me buying cards for my mom had been done for awhile.  I miss that.  I miss her.  Mind you, my mom and I did not have the closest of relationships. We really never talked about anything important when I was growing up and even when I was an adult.  I could count on my fingers the times she said I love you for the most part of my life.  That changed when I was diagnosed with cancer...then I heard it.  It meant the world to me.  I made sure I told her too. And I make sure I tell my kids.  But then, I always always have.  I knew it was important for them to hear it. I knew what it felt not too.  I KNEW she loved me, in the only way she knew how...but even now, I wish there had been more.  For those of you with close relationships with your mom, I hope you know how lucky you are!  Hug your mom for me. Just because!  I think of mine every day...I AM grateful for the mother I had.  I love her with all my heart.  And I miss her terribly.  We talk about her often around here.  I don't want to forget. I don't want my kids to.

I will celebrate the day because, of course I AM a mother....something I always wanted to be. I was blessed with four wonderful incredible kids.  All of them are unique. All of them have their own talents. Each have such a different personality.  I would like to think, of everything I have done in my life, this is the one thing I am most proud of. Being a mom.  Of course, like most, I think back and wish there were things I did differently, things I did better.  I can only hope I raised them okay. Better than okay. I hope that they will have wonderful lives. That they will be happy. That they will find their joy. Always...

And I hope they know how much I love them.  How proud I am of them.  Always.

May you all have a wonderful mother's day filled with love and good things!

And that is what is on my mind, right now.

1 comment:

  1. well you got my attention with the
    "why I love Clay" story, but I ended up reading this, and I suddenly realized we have a lot in common. My Mom never said "I love you" much. I remember once she was really drunk and I was having a 24th birthday party, (hearing it from others around me may have prompted that). until just before she died she said it a few times, but she also explained how the things in her life effected her, being adopted, flipping from one family to another as a child, thinking the world would always reject her. It helped me to understand and I never held it against her. the one thing she told me that helped me understand was, "just because someone doesn't love you the way you think they should, doesn't mean they don't love you with all their heart". I always knew she loved me. she just didn't know how to show it the way the general public believes it should be shown. Of course on the flip side of that, that may be why I went thru many relationships and put up with guys treating me crappy too! All anyone can do is give the Love they know how, in actions and words and hope that is what the other person understands it is. you are a GREAT Mom Joy!