A lot is on my mind these days. So many changes happening all the time. But that IS life, isn't it? It seems when we are little, it takes forever to grow up. Sometimes I wonder why the hurry? Sometimes I think if we knew what it was really like to be 'grown up' we wouldn't be in such a hurry! Even though at times, it seems like time drags, it really truly flies. Sometimes I want to scream at it to slow down! Too many changes happening all too fast!
First, I remember before I was married, I wondered IF I ever would be, wondering if I would have the 4 kids I wanted. And I got that. The married. The four kids. But who ever knew they would grow up so fast? It seems each one grew up faster than the last one. It is so hard to wrap my mind around the idea that my YOUNGEST one is almost a junior in college and not one of them is even a teenager any more. It is hard to wrap my mind around the fact that they are grown and moving on, with their own lives. Prouder of them, I couldn't be, but when we have those babies, does it cross our minds that in an instant, they will be grown and gone? I doubt it.
In the course of growing up, there are many losses. So so many people have passed on. I sit sometimes and think about the family things of so long ago. As a child you think those people will be around forever. But again, time passes much too fast, and they are gone. We can try to keep them close in memories and photographs, but sometimes I just want to hug them, to have a conversation, to hear their voice, see their smile....
The other day I was looking in the mirror. I mean REALLY looking in the mirror. I could not figure out who was looking back at me. Where did that face come from? I still feel the same on the inside. So when I look in the mirror at that face that is no longer young, it is hard to believe it is the me I feel when looking out. I see pictures and wonder just how did all the time pass so fast? Again, who IS that person? I know I should age gracefully, but I don't want to! Maybe it is because it is a reminder of time flying and things changing both much much too fast!
And that, my friends, is what is on my mind right now!
I've had these ponderings, too. In Simple Abundance, the author writes about our 10-year-old selves being strong, and how recovering some of those 10-year-old memories can help us. The losses...oboy, do I know about those. While I love looking at pics of the Mark of years ago, I'm inevitably jerked back to reality with the now-familiar kick in the gut as I realize the stunning finality of his death.
ReplyDeleteI think of you often and don't know how a parent survives that...how you get through each day. My cousin lost her son and I know she struggles every.single.day. I don't know how you could not!!
ReplyDeletehugs!