Spending Father's Day without your dad is something you eventually expect to happen. Sometime when you are older. After a lifetime of growing up with him.
This Father's Day will be my 50th fatherless Father's Day.
50 of them. Most of my life. Without a father.
I was thinking about him the other day. As much as you can think of someone you don't know or don't remember. I can't remember how he looked or smelled or sounded. I 'think' I remember once when he took my friend from across the street and I, for an ice cream cone at the A & W in town. I say I 'think' because I am not sure if it really happened, or I dreamed it. If it did happen, it would be the only memory I have of him. He gave me life. Half of my DNA is from him. Yet, he is and forever will be, a stranger to me.
A few years ago, I obtained his yearbooks and they were a fascination for me to read! I was surprised, yet thrilled to see he was in Art Club, Choir, wrote for the school paper, was in the football club and he was in drama. I am sure there were other things he was in that I have forgotten. In high school, I was on the paper, the yearbook editor and have forever loved art. My kids....also artistic. One was always in choir, school plays and musicals, worked on the yearbook. I had kids in Art Club. My daughter was thrilled to know she had the same talents as one of the grandfathers she never knew!
I was looking through pictures the other day. I have very very few from back when I was young. And so very few of my dad. Not a one of them is color. I hear his eyes were sky blue. I would like to see a picture of that...I would like more to remember them. It dawned on me at the time that not only do I have very few pictures of him, but not one of them is me with him. Not one of them is a picture of father and daughter. Would it be easier to think of him as my dad if there was? Would I make that connection more? I don't know.
I often see the question asked , if you could spend one day or even 5 minutes with someone no longer here who would it be? Of course the answer for me is my dad. I would love to hear his voice, look into those eyes, know what it was like to feel like a daughter to a father. If even for 5 minutes.
I often tell people to find the joy, life is too short, tell those you love that you do. But I truly mean it. And this Father's Day, if you are lucky to have your dad around still, give him a hug! Make it extra long...just for me!
And that my friends, is what is on my mind right now!